who we are is enough

I'm reading this really incredibly book called, 'The Dance,' and the part I just read last night talks about self-acceptance and really embracing who we are made to be. It was exactly what I was thinking about last night.

"The question is not why are we so infrequently the people we really want to be. The question is why do we so infrequently want to be the people we really are.

Because you have no faith that who you are is enough. But it is... who you really are is enough."

That is such a simple idea, but something we so rarely understand and accept. I think if we keep reminding ourselves of this basic fact - that who we really are is enough - then we will be a much happier world.

being happy with who i am

so lately i've been feeling pretty critical about myself. this semester, i've put on a pretty solid amount of weight. and in theory, that's a good thing. i'm healthy! my body is finally in full recovery, and it is loving life. i also stopped drinking, and so the weight i've put on isn't the typical freshman fifteen beer weight, but actually 'me being healthy and eating like a normal person' weight. it is a good sign.


but although i recognize all of that intuitively, it is hard to convince myself of that on a day to day basis. don't get me wrong, i know i'm not overweight. far from it. and i eat like it's my job, because i absolutely love food. it's one of my favorite hobbies. but no matter how thin and fit i know i am, when my once self confidence-boosting loose jeans are starting to get tight, i feel awful about myself. i'm pretty pro with the negative self-talk, and although it's absolutely ridiculous to get upset about my size 1 gap jeans being just a bit tighter than they were last week, it's my reality.

i talked about all this with one of my really close friends tonight, who has been feeling similarly, even though she, likewise is incredibly in shape (a fellow marathoner) and one of the most beautiful girls i know. and we decided this needs to stop. we're going to turn it around. because, in reality, we're beautiful, healthy, strong women who deserve to acknowledge what god gave us. and so, here's why i decided i love my body:

1. it has been through SO much. my battle scars are evidence enough of how hard my body has hung in there against seemingly insurmountable circumstances.
2. it is strong. the amount of marathons these legs have carried me through is absolutely incredible. it's a real fighter.
3. it is soft and cuddly in all the right places, and it allows me to give some pretty great hugs.
4. i can look pretty darn cute when i try (which granted, is not all the time, judging from tonight's fabulous ensemble of sweatpants and a huge peer ministry t-shirt, but sometimes comfort is all that matters).
5. this is the body god gave me. and i'm going to use it, and love it, and cherish it, and treat it like it were truly the god-given gift it is.

<3

easter

thought of the day, from an amazing easter homily on cape cod...

"if it seems like God is far away, then who moved - you or God?"

we are the boss

quote from my page-a-day calendar for today:

"no matter how nicely we ask, if we are the boss, we are the bitch. the important thing to remember is, we are the boss."

love

In my Chinese literature class today, we read an interview of Eileen Chang, a well-known Chinese author during the Cultural Revolution, and one quote really stood out for me... in fact, I've been thinking about it ALL day. It's one of those quotes.

"If it's love, you don't ask if it's worth it or not."

How cool?! So simple, but so true... on so many levels. Here are my thoughts. First, after hearing this quote, I thought about the friendships and relationships in my life. And that idea makes a lot of sense. I would do anything for my good friends and family. There are no justifications or reasons necessary... it's just love, pure and simple.

Later, I got to thinking about this quote in terms of my relationship with God. This is the perfect statement of faith. First of all, loving God. If it is truly perfect love - a truly dedicated relationship with God, you don't ask if it's worth it or not. Lately, I've been having a rough time waking up on Sunday mornings to make it to mass... I don't really enjoy the masses in town, and so I find myself thinking a lot, 'is it worth it?' And so this quote is kinda perfect.

Also, as I'm writing this, I just realized that this quote also perfectly describes God's love for us. As part of the Lenten reflection sort of mood I'm supposed to be in, this totally works. God loves us so much that he gave his son to die for us - and never once asked if it was worth it. He knew it was. It was worth the life of his only son to save a bunch of people he never met... who mess up all the time, and continually make the same dumb mistakes, and turn away from his love... but he loves us SO much that it was worth it anyway. In fact, the thought of us being 'worthy' never even crossed his mind. We are that loved.

The reason

"He who has a 'why' to live for can bear almost any 'how'."

my (newest) favorite song

Today, on the radio, I heard my newest favorite song. It was a little crazy actually... I have my radio as my alarm clock, and my alarm went off, and it was this song... and I was in bed, tearing up and just loving it. We had a moment... my stuffed animal and I! So anyway, one day, when I am all grown up and a Kairos leader again, this will be my song. It's been decided :)

"Lost"

I can't believe it's over
I watched the whole thing fall
And I never saw the writing that was on the wall
If I'd only knew
The days were slipping past
That the good things never last
That you were crying

Summer turned to winter
And the snow it turned to rain
And the rain turned into tears upon your face
I hardly recognized the girl you are today
And god I hope it's not too late
It's not too late
'Cause you are not alone
I'm always there with you
And we'll get lost together
Till the light comes pouring through
'Cause when you feel like you're done
And the darkness has won
Babe, you're not lost
When your worlds crashing down
And you can't bear the thought
I said, babe, you're not lost

Life can show no mercy
It can tear your soul apart
It can make you feel like you've gone crazy
But you're not
Things have seem to changed
There's one thing that's still the same
In my heart you have remained
And we can fly fly fly away

'Cause you are not alone
And I am there with you
And we'll get lost together
Till the light comes pouring through
'Cause when you feel like you're done
And the darkness has won
Babe, you're not lost
When the worlds crashing down
And you can not bear the cross
I said, baby, you're not lost