called out of darkness

I just finished reading Anne Rice's autobiography, "Called out of Darkness," and just had to blog about it. It was such a thought-provoking, inspiring read. Here are a few of my favorite parts!

Anne Rice grew up as a traditional Catholic in New Orleans, but upon entering college, she found her faith challenged in myriad ways. Religious tenets and basic beliefs were no longer simply accepted, but rather carefully examined, and gradually set aside. For many years, Rice was atheist, and expressed these beliefs through some pretty dark writing... but eventually, felt that there was something more out there... and this is the story of her faith conversion. Rebuilding a relationship with God is a gradual process.

At first, she realizes that "God doesn't disappear when you turn away from Him; He remains, acknowledged in myriad forms, and even in the miracle of the ever shifting clouds themselves... Surely what I felt in that moment was love" (164).

Eventually, Rice becomes not only convinced of the Lord's presence in her life, but experiences a feeling of being pursued by the Lord. What a perfect word to describe the image of a shepherd trying to regain one of his lost sheep... not only is God waiting anxiously for her to return, but he is actively pursuing her. I love it.

As her faith develops, Rice surrenders her doubts to God, and comes to the understanding that she doesn't need to understand. "It was love that brought me to this awareness, love that brought me into a complete trust in Him, a trust that God who made us could not ever abandon us - that the seeming meaninglessness of our world was the limit of our understanding, but never, never the limit of His... How can I describe the realization that He was the Divine Safety Net through which nothing could accidentally fall?" (185).

Another mind-blowing idea. How many times do we, as Catholics, get stumped by the 'why' questions. "Why does God let bad things happen to good people?" "Why would God put me through this?" "Why?" And finally there is an answer. We don't know. It is simply beyond the grasp of our understanding. But it is not important for us to know... only to trust.

Finally, Rice is ready to surrender herself entirely to God. As she considers this prospect, she examines what this truly means. What does it mean to say to God, "Thy will be done," and "do with me what you will"? She ponders, "As a child I'd once pledged my life in its entirety. What would I do now if the Lord asked of me that I come and follow Him?" (205). Talk about a tough question... I think every one of us would like to say that we would follow, without question, without doubt. But would we really? Would I? It's a tough call.

I suppose the best we can do is to keep trusting the process... one day at a time... one challenge at a time... and to continually put our fate into God's hands with each new day.