Today, on the radio, I heard my newest favorite song. It was a little crazy actually... I have my radio as my alarm clock, and my alarm went off, and it was this song... and I was in bed, tearing up and just loving it. We had a moment... my stuffed animal and I! So anyway, one day, when I am all grown up and a Kairos leader again, this will be my song. It's been decided :)
"Lost"
I can't believe it's over
I watched the whole thing fall
And I never saw the writing that was on the wall
If I'd only knew
The days were slipping past
That the good things never last
That you were crying
Summer turned to winter
And the snow it turned to rain
And the rain turned into tears upon your face
I hardly recognized the girl you are today
And god I hope it's not too late
It's not too late
'Cause you are not alone
I'm always there with you
And we'll get lost together
Till the light comes pouring through
'Cause when you feel like you're done
And the darkness has won
Babe, you're not lost
When your worlds crashing down
And you can't bear the thought
I said, babe, you're not lost
Life can show no mercy
It can tear your soul apart
It can make you feel like you've gone crazy
But you're not
Things have seem to changed
There's one thing that's still the same
In my heart you have remained
And we can fly fly fly away
'Cause you are not alone
And I am there with you
And we'll get lost together
Till the light comes pouring through
'Cause when you feel like you're done
And the darkness has won
Babe, you're not lost
When the worlds crashing down
And you can not bear the cross
I said, baby, you're not lost
Monday, February 25, 2008
Sunday, February 24, 2008
Putting old stories to rest
"It isn't just surgeons. I don't know anyone who isn't haunted by something or someone. And whether we try to slice the pain away with a scalpel or shove it in the back of a closet ... our efforts usually fail. So the only way we can clear out the cobwebs is to turn a new page or put an old story to rest.... finally, finally to rest."
-Grey's Anatomy
-Grey's Anatomy
Friday, February 22, 2008
God's Plan
It has been altogether too long since I've had a blog post! With the craziness of midterms, and now being home for break, I've fallen out of the habit of posting. But I'm not about to back off my New Year's resolution of keeping this blog, and so here we go again!
I got an email today, with the advice that 'everything happens for a reason - and it was all part of God's plan for your life.' That got me thinking... and I'm not sure if I have come up with any answers, but maybe just more questions. I don't think we're meant to have an answer.
Anyway, the first thing that came to mind when I thought of 'God's plan' was the plan He had for His own son, to fulfill the prophesies of the scriptures, and to suffer, endure torment and prosecution, and to eventually be crucified, and rise from the dead. Talk about a big plan! But the unique situation that Jesus was in meant that he had advance knowledge of this plan, and since the beginning of his life, knew that this was the path he was meant to take, and that he would eventually endure unbelievable amounts of spiritual, emotional, and physical pain - and to face an agonizing death at the hands of non-believers. That's not exactly a bright future to face.
And so that got me thinking... we, as humans, constantly are praying to know God's plan for us, and wishing we could see where He was taking us. But do we really want to know? What if God's plan for me was going to be painful and difficult? What if I knew that I would face insurmountable hardship in the future? Would I still choose to carry out His plan?
Tough questions... when I thought about it, I realized that Jesus was actually given that choice. At any time, he could have prevented the pain that would befall him, but instead he made the amazingly courageous decision to carry out that plan, despite the cost. But would we, as humans, choose that same path? As much as I would like to say yes, I'm just not sure. So often we're tempted to choose the easiest path - to calculate our risks and make decisions that will most benefit us in the future. But thinking about the bigger picture, and putting the greatest good ahead of our own personal good is much more difficult to do.
So maybe, by concealing His plan for us, God is doing us a favor. We instead have the gift of being able to live each day as it comes to us - without worrying about the difficult times we will face in the future. Maybe there's some things we'd rather not know now.
I got an email today, with the advice that 'everything happens for a reason - and it was all part of God's plan for your life.' That got me thinking... and I'm not sure if I have come up with any answers, but maybe just more questions. I don't think we're meant to have an answer.
Anyway, the first thing that came to mind when I thought of 'God's plan' was the plan He had for His own son, to fulfill the prophesies of the scriptures, and to suffer, endure torment and prosecution, and to eventually be crucified, and rise from the dead. Talk about a big plan! But the unique situation that Jesus was in meant that he had advance knowledge of this plan, and since the beginning of his life, knew that this was the path he was meant to take, and that he would eventually endure unbelievable amounts of spiritual, emotional, and physical pain - and to face an agonizing death at the hands of non-believers. That's not exactly a bright future to face.
And so that got me thinking... we, as humans, constantly are praying to know God's plan for us, and wishing we could see where He was taking us. But do we really want to know? What if God's plan for me was going to be painful and difficult? What if I knew that I would face insurmountable hardship in the future? Would I still choose to carry out His plan?
Tough questions... when I thought about it, I realized that Jesus was actually given that choice. At any time, he could have prevented the pain that would befall him, but instead he made the amazingly courageous decision to carry out that plan, despite the cost. But would we, as humans, choose that same path? As much as I would like to say yes, I'm just not sure. So often we're tempted to choose the easiest path - to calculate our risks and make decisions that will most benefit us in the future. But thinking about the bigger picture, and putting the greatest good ahead of our own personal good is much more difficult to do.
So maybe, by concealing His plan for us, God is doing us a favor. We instead have the gift of being able to live each day as it comes to us - without worrying about the difficult times we will face in the future. Maybe there's some things we'd rather not know now.
Monday, February 4, 2008
following our dreams
"What is a personal calling? It is God's blessing, it is the path that God chose for you here on Earth. Whenever we do something that fills us with enthusiasm, we are following our legend. However we don't always have the courage to confront our own dreams. Why?
There are four obstacles. First, we are told from childhood onwards that everything we want to do is impossible. We grow up with this idea, and as the years accumulate, so too do the layers of prejudice, fear, and guilt. There comes a time when our personal calling is so deeply buried in our soul as to be invisible. But it's still there.
If we have the courage to disinter our dream, we are then faced by the second obstacle: love. We know what we want to do, but we are afraid of hurting those around us by abandoning everything in order to pursue our dream. We do not realize that love is just a further impetus, not something that will prevent us going forward, and that those who genuinely wish us well want us to be happy and are prepared to accompany us on that journey.
Once we have accepted that love is a stimulus, we come up against the third obstacle: fear of the defeats we will meet on the path. We who fight for our dream suffer far more when it doesn't work out, because we cannot fall back on the old excuse, "Oh well, I didn't really want it anyway." We do want it and know that we have staked everything on it and that the path of the personal calling is no easier than any other path, except that our whole heart is in that journey.
So why it is so important to live our personal calling if we are only going to suffer more than other people? Because once we have overcome the defeats - and we always do - we are filled with a greater sense of euphoria and confidence. In the silence of our hearts, we know that we are proving ourselves worth of the miracle of life. Each day, each hour, is part of the good fight. We start to live with enthusiasm and pleasure. Intense, unexpected suffering passes more quickly than suffering that is apparently bearable; the latter goes on for years, and without our noticing, eats away at our soul, until, one day, we are no longer able to free ourselves from the bitterness.
Having disinterred our dream, having used the power of love to nurture it, we suddenly notice that what we always wanted is there, waiting for us, perhaps the very next day. Then comes the fourth obstacle: the fear of realizing the dream for which we have been fighting all our lives. Oscar Wilde said, "Each man kills the thing he loves." And it's true. The mere possibility of getting what we want fills the soul of the ordinary person with guilt. We look around at all those who have failed to get what they want and feel that we do not deserve to get what we want either. We forget about all the obstacles we overcame, all the suffering we endured, all the things we had to give up in order to get this far.
This is the most dangerous of the obstacles because it has a kind of saintly aura about it: renouncing joy and conquest. But if you believe yourself worthy of the thing you fought so hard to get, then you become an instrument of God, you help the Soul of the World, and you understand why you are here."
~The Alchemist, Paulo Coehlo
There are four obstacles. First, we are told from childhood onwards that everything we want to do is impossible. We grow up with this idea, and as the years accumulate, so too do the layers of prejudice, fear, and guilt. There comes a time when our personal calling is so deeply buried in our soul as to be invisible. But it's still there.
If we have the courage to disinter our dream, we are then faced by the second obstacle: love. We know what we want to do, but we are afraid of hurting those around us by abandoning everything in order to pursue our dream. We do not realize that love is just a further impetus, not something that will prevent us going forward, and that those who genuinely wish us well want us to be happy and are prepared to accompany us on that journey.
Once we have accepted that love is a stimulus, we come up against the third obstacle: fear of the defeats we will meet on the path. We who fight for our dream suffer far more when it doesn't work out, because we cannot fall back on the old excuse, "Oh well, I didn't really want it anyway." We do want it and know that we have staked everything on it and that the path of the personal calling is no easier than any other path, except that our whole heart is in that journey.
So why it is so important to live our personal calling if we are only going to suffer more than other people? Because once we have overcome the defeats - and we always do - we are filled with a greater sense of euphoria and confidence. In the silence of our hearts, we know that we are proving ourselves worth of the miracle of life. Each day, each hour, is part of the good fight. We start to live with enthusiasm and pleasure. Intense, unexpected suffering passes more quickly than suffering that is apparently bearable; the latter goes on for years, and without our noticing, eats away at our soul, until, one day, we are no longer able to free ourselves from the bitterness.
Having disinterred our dream, having used the power of love to nurture it, we suddenly notice that what we always wanted is there, waiting for us, perhaps the very next day. Then comes the fourth obstacle: the fear of realizing the dream for which we have been fighting all our lives. Oscar Wilde said, "Each man kills the thing he loves." And it's true. The mere possibility of getting what we want fills the soul of the ordinary person with guilt. We look around at all those who have failed to get what they want and feel that we do not deserve to get what we want either. We forget about all the obstacles we overcame, all the suffering we endured, all the things we had to give up in order to get this far.
This is the most dangerous of the obstacles because it has a kind of saintly aura about it: renouncing joy and conquest. But if you believe yourself worthy of the thing you fought so hard to get, then you become an instrument of God, you help the Soul of the World, and you understand why you are here."
~The Alchemist, Paulo Coehlo
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