being happy with who i am

so lately i've been feeling pretty critical about myself. this semester, i've put on a pretty solid amount of weight. and in theory, that's a good thing. i'm healthy! my body is finally in full recovery, and it is loving life. i also stopped drinking, and so the weight i've put on isn't the typical freshman fifteen beer weight, but actually 'me being healthy and eating like a normal person' weight. it is a good sign.


but although i recognize all of that intuitively, it is hard to convince myself of that on a day to day basis. don't get me wrong, i know i'm not overweight. far from it. and i eat like it's my job, because i absolutely love food. it's one of my favorite hobbies. but no matter how thin and fit i know i am, when my once self confidence-boosting loose jeans are starting to get tight, i feel awful about myself. i'm pretty pro with the negative self-talk, and although it's absolutely ridiculous to get upset about my size 1 gap jeans being just a bit tighter than they were last week, it's my reality.

i talked about all this with one of my really close friends tonight, who has been feeling similarly, even though she, likewise is incredibly in shape (a fellow marathoner) and one of the most beautiful girls i know. and we decided this needs to stop. we're going to turn it around. because, in reality, we're beautiful, healthy, strong women who deserve to acknowledge what god gave us. and so, here's why i decided i love my body:

1. it has been through SO much. my battle scars are evidence enough of how hard my body has hung in there against seemingly insurmountable circumstances.
2. it is strong. the amount of marathons these legs have carried me through is absolutely incredible. it's a real fighter.
3. it is soft and cuddly in all the right places, and it allows me to give some pretty great hugs.
4. i can look pretty darn cute when i try (which granted, is not all the time, judging from tonight's fabulous ensemble of sweatpants and a huge peer ministry t-shirt, but sometimes comfort is all that matters).
5. this is the body god gave me. and i'm going to use it, and love it, and cherish it, and treat it like it were truly the god-given gift it is.

<3